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The Worst Christmas Present Ever

Picture of Greg Stier
Greg Stier

What’s the worst Christmas gift you ever got or bought?

Probably the worst Christmas gift I ever got was some kind of European man purse. I opened it up and immediately said, “I hate this. I will never use it.” To add insult to fashion injury, the person who had bought it for me (with perfectly proper motives by the way) was sitting right there eagerly waiting for me to like it.

Ho, Ho, Holy cow. It was another awkward moment inspired by the not-too-bright Greg Stier.

That was probably the worst present I ever got. The worst one I ever bought was for my wife. It was our first Christmas together and I was genuinely excited for her to open it up. I’m usually the “wait until Christmas morning” kind of present opener. But I couldn’t wait. I told her “you have to open this now.” I was almost shaking with excitement. I had wrapped the present in a hat box and, to be honest, the wrapping job I did was exquisite (by my cut and paste standards anyway.) She excitedly tore open the wrapping while looking up at me saying, “What is it?” She could tell I was excited. I’m sure she was wondering if it was jewelry, tickets for a cruise or something ultra cool like that. She finally tore away the last shred of paper, opened the box, cleared away the wrapping tissue and stared in astonishment at my gift.

It was a gun.

Yes, that’s right, I gave my wife a .25 caliber handgun on our first Christmas together as a married couple. She looked up and asked, “Are you serious?” I said, “well, yes.” She then asked, “Where are the bullets? I want to use it right now!” This I took as a threat.

In that moment I discovered a few things about my wife:

1. She hates guns.

2. Under the right circumstances she can have a temper.

3. She hates guns.

In that moment I discovered a few things about myself:

1. I’m an idiot.

2. Under the right circumstances I can run pretty fast.

3. I’m an idiot.

Ho, Ho, Holy Crap.

Okay you gotta spot me a few things on this story. I come from an inner city “gun club” kind of family. My grandparents’ room was like an arsenal. Guns were just part of life growing up. They used them for hunting and home protection, very aggressive home protection.

I was taught how to use a .357 magnum as a 5 year old. My family taught me how to kill an intruder if he broke into our house. They told me to aim at the torso for maximum impact. They, matter-of-factly explained to me that head shots were too risky. They even instructed me in the fine art of dragging somebody’s body into the house off of the porch if I happened to shoot them through the door while they were trying to break in. They mentioned something about liability or something like that. I’m actually not kidding about this. I was raised in a rough part of town where robberies were common and so, before first grade, I knew how to lock and load. To be honest I thought this was part of the growing up process for every kid in the United States. Later I moved to the suburbs and realzied that this wasn’t the case.

On the other hand my wife was raised in a gun free, middle class family where violence was something you read about in the newspaper. So you can see the problem with my six round Christmas gift.

How did I resolve the situation? I returned the gun for a full refund and bought my wife a nice leather coat.

Now let me take a hard right turn to a spiritual point. The best Christmas gift we can give to somebody this holiday season is the gospel of Jesus. So, as you wrap and unwrap gifts for and from family and friends make sure you give the ultimate gift to those around you, the reason for the season, Jesus Christ Himself. As Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians 9: “Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!”

No batteries necessary…or bullets for that matter.

Merry Christmas!

Unlikely Fighter

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The story of how a fatherless street kid overcame violence, chaos, and confusion to become a radical Christ follower.

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